


Only Fred and Hermione to go.

by Chlobliviate



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fred Weasley Lives, Fremione - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-09 17:32:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12281193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chlobliviate/pseuds/Chlobliviate
Summary: When Charlie brings home his partner for the first time, Fred realises that he and Hermione are the last of the Weasley/Honorary Weasley clan who are single. To save them both from his family's matchmaking, he comes up with a plan.





	1. The last single Weasley

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I'm writing this, I have so many works in progress on the go! But here we are anyway!  
> Hope you enjoy it!  
> I own nothing recognisable!  
> :)

The war had been fought and won over four years ago. 

They’d lost many people; Percy, Remus and Tonks among them. 

Harry and Ginny were married almost immediately afterwards not wanting to wait any longer than necessary, followed closely by George and Angelina. After a year of on-again-off-again dating, Ron had unceremoniously broken up with Hermione over a family dinner, much to Mrs Weasley’s dismay and Harry’s outrage. He’d shortly started dating Lavender Brown again, who, despite her lycanthropy, or perhaps because of it, had matured into a tolerable, if not still a tad giggly woman. Ron had proposed after almost two years together and they’d been married in the summer.

At the most recent family dinner, Charlie had announced that he’d been seeing someone for a while, amid Mrs Weasley’s yelps of delight, he introduced them to Shane, who he had met in Romania on the dragon reserves. Mrs Weasley was over the moon, fussing over him immediately, and once Mr Weasley found out that he was muggle-born he proceeded to ask him a multitude of questions about ‘tellyfishing’ and why muggles watched the sky on it. 

Hermione caught Fred’s eye from where she sat next to him. “Looks like you’re the last one, Fred.”

“The last what?” 

“The last single Weasley.” She smirked, which soon dropped when Fred said.

“No, I’m not. You’re not seeing anyone either.”

“I’m not a Weasley, Fred. It may have escaped your notice, but I lack certain key credentials.” She tugged on a dark brown curl.

“You’re a Weasley, in all but name.” He grinned at her. “She’ll be nagging you too.”

“Oh, Merlin. She will won’t she?” Hermione groaned.

As if on cue Molly said, “Well that’s only Fred and Hermione to go!”

“Hermione isn’t technically ours, dear.” Mr Weasley interjected.

“Don’t be silly, Arthur, of course she is.” She smiled at Hermione. 

The truth was that Molly and Arthur were the closest things to family that Hermione had. Her family had been found and killed by death eaters during the war and she’d taken sanctuary at the Burrow for several months after, before she and Harry began sorting through both of their families’ things together. She had since sold the house and used the proceeds to buy herself small cottage in Hogsmeade. Mr and Mrs Weasley, still grieving the loss of Percy had welcomed her with open arms for as long as she needed, and she would be forever grateful to them for their kindness and hospitality during such an awful time for them all.

Two years after the war, upon completing her final year, obtaining record NEWTs and a mastery in charms, Headmistress McGonagall wrote to her, both to inform her of Professor Flitwick’s retirement at the end of the academic year and to offer her his position. She immediately accepted, with the agreement that she could return to her home in Hogsmeade on the weekends.

Fred had become a particularly close friend soon after she moved to Hogsmeade. He’d opened up the second branch of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes not long before and it was nice for both of them to have someone within walking distance. At weekends she would cook him dinner after he finished work on a Saturday, his busiest day, and introduced him to a new muggle film each week. She would occasionally have to come in to the shop to reprimand him on new products which were wreaking havoc on the school, but always with a sparkle in her dark brown eyes. She had also helped with a few products but had sworn him to secrecy about her involvement. Most Sundays they made it to family dinner at The Burrow.

“I do wish you didn’t live so far away dears.”

“Mum, you know that we can apparate, right?” Fred said, swallowing his mouthful of mashed potato. “We can be anywhere in seconds.”

“I know, I know, but I feel like I never see you!”

“We both have busy jobs, Mum.” He looked at Hermione. “Technically, Hermione shouldn’t even be able to come unless it’s the school holidays. It’s only because she’s Hermione, and McGonagall has always had a soft spot for her.”

“That’s not true!” Hermione glared at Fred, before cracking, “It’s because I threatened not to take the job if she didn’t allow me to go home on weekends, and the only other applicant was McLaggen.”

“Cormac McLaggen?” Ron narrowed his eyes, the events of sixth year still not completely out of his mind.

“Yep. He isn’t even qualified.” Hermione laughed. “Although, rumour has it that Arlidge is retiring at the end of this year, Harry.”

“Really?” Harry nodded slowly, “I might owl Professor McGonagall then. I haven’t got a mastery, but I doubt Moody or Lockhart had either.”

“I think it would be great for you, and the students. They’d be thrilled to be taught by ‘The Chosen One’” Ginny chipped in, avoiding Harry’s swipe at her head. “Plus it would be nice to live near Fred and Hermione.”

“How did we get off the topic of Fred and Hermione being the only single ones left?” George winked at his brother, who simply grimaced in return.

“There’s a young witch who just started at Gringotts that I could introduce to you, Fred.” Bill was gently bouncing Victoire on his knee. “Shes probably only 21 or 22 but she’s smart. Her name’s Cordelia Webb. She was in Hufflepuff in Ginny’s year I think.”

“Sounds familiar. To be honest, Bill, I spent so much time with those three,” She gestured at the golden trio, “That I didn’t really get to know many of my own year, apart from Luna.”

“I’m alright, thanks Bill.” Fred shrugged. “Can we change the subject?”

When they apparated back to Hogsmeade together, Fred looked over at Hermione. “Sorry about Mum.”

“It’s fine. I just don’t want to be pressured into something that I might not want, you know?”

“Hermione, we’re pretty good friends, right?” He looked down at the floor.

“Yes, I’d say so. Why? What’s wrong?”

“I had an idea while we were at dinner. It’s a bit…” He shrugged. “What if you and I pretended that we were dating? It would get Mum off both of our backs, and would make sense because we see so much of each other. I don’t- I just- Sorry, it’s-” He shook his head.

“Pretend to be dating? Each other?” Fred nodded. Hermione chewed on her lip, thinking this through. “Can I have a while to think? It’s a pretty good idea in theory, I just need to work through some logistics.”

“Take as long as you need, as long as it’s before dinner next week.” She laughed and pulled him in for a hug. “Look after yourself, Granger. See you Saturday?”

“You will. If I make a decision before then, I’ll send Bathilda with a note.” He gave her her one last squeeze. “Have a good week, Fred.”


	2. Never underestimate me, Freddie

"I thought about it.” She looked up from her book

“I’m sure you could think of nothing else all week.” Fred winked at her. 

“Don’t make me change my mind.” She raised an eyebrow and he raised his hands in surrender.

“So you’ll do it?” Fred suddenly realised what she’d said. “We’re going to do it?”

“I will be your fake girlfriend, on several conditions.” 

Fred grimaced, “I should have known really, shouldn't I?”

“One, we stop if it gets weird. Two, nobody gets hurt. Three, nobody can know. Not even George. Four, if one of us meets someone else, we call it off.” Hermione paused for a moment. “I think that’s it.”

“Oh, I was expecting something along the lines of ‘no pinching my bum at family dinners’.” Fred laughed. 

“I felt like that went without saying.” She sighed, “Dinner’s almost ready. Lemon and thyme chicken and rice.”

“It smells heavenly.” He threw his arm around her shoulders, “Now let’s talk pet names. Herms?”

“No.”

“Hermy?”

“Not a chance.”

“Why not?”

“It rhymes with germy…”

“Fine. The standard ‘darling’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘honey’ and things like that?”

“I guess so.” She frowned slightly. “And you?”

“I’m happy with that. Freddie when you’re feeling particularly affectionate. What about ‘Mione, for when I am?” 

“‘Mione?” She sounded it out, “That’s not awful. I can deal with that.”

“Ok. That’s progress.” Fred nodded.

“What about coupley things?” Hermione suddenly looked nervous. “Holding hands and dating and kissing and stuff?”

“I mean I’m happy to hold your hand as it is and I’ve kissed your cheek before. We don’t need to do any more than that as far as I’m concerned.” Fred thought, tilting his head to one side. “How did I ask you out?”

“Are you so sure that _you_ asked _me_?” Hermione’s eyes flashed with mischief.

“I love the way you think ‘Mione, dearest.” Fred chuckled, “You’ve been coming over every weekend since you started at Hogwarts so I feel like it won’t be too implausible.”

“I promised to go to the pub with you and buy you a drink if you stopped stocking the flatulence fizzers and we both had too much firewhiskey and ended up snogging on the counter in the shop and it just progressed from there.” Hermione shrugged. 

“The counter in the shop?” Fred’s eyebrows shot towards his hairline. “Remind me why we aren’t actually together, I quite like this side of you.”

She laughed at him, “I feel like a month or two is a fair amount of time?”

“How are we going to tell people though?” 

“What if we let people find out for themselves?”

“You already have a plan, don’t you?”

“Never underestimate me, Freddie.” She grinned up at him.

***

The following weekend, their plan was thoroughly underway. Hermione rolled her eyes as Fred messed up his hair in what he probably thought was a ‘thoroughly snogged’ way. 

“Why, in this fictional scenario, would I be pulling your hair out by the roots? Do I secretly hate you?”

Fred smirked, “Are you really telling me how to look snogged, Granger? I think I know what it looks like.”

“You clearly don’t, because you look like you’ve put a fork into a power socket. Besides, you’ve never snogged a Weasley. I have.” She sighed, “Come here.” She smoothed down most of his hair, apart from the back, which she ran her fingers through a few times. “This looks a little more realistic.”

“Do I get to return the favour?” He winked obviously.

“All I need to do is take my hair down and it’ll look like someone’s ravaged me senseless. I know what I’m about.” She smiled as his jaw dropped, “Ok, final touch.” She unbuttoned the top five buttons of Fred’s shirt, retrieved a deep purple lipstick from her bag, applied it, then pressed several kisses to Fred’s neck, pretending that she couldn’t feel him tense up. She smudged her handiwork slightly before stepping away.

Fred pulled himself back to reality. “Ok, so when I say ‘nargles’, you’ll come out of my room and pretend to be shocked that Gin’s here?” Fred ran through the plan again, more for his own reassurance than his.

“Are you- Do you think we can actually pull this off?” Hermione looked doubtful for the first time. 

“Smartest witch of her age and the last single Weasley. Together, we can do anything, sweetheart.” He smiled down at her, “Now bugger off.”

Just as he heard Hermione shut his bedroom door, he heard the floo, and started walking towards the bedroom.

“Fred?” Ginny’s voice was sharp. “Fred, did you forget we were coming?”

Fred turned around with a guilty expression, “Ginevra, my favourite sister, and Harry, my favourite brother in law!”

“You did! You forgot!” She sighed, “I wanted to see if you- Oh!” She was staring at Fred’s neck, then her eyes moved to his hair, then his unbuttoned shirt and undone belt and the purple streaks across his neck. She narrowed her eyes at him. “Fred, do you have someone here? That's gross, I don't need to know about this part of your life.”

“Who? Me? The last single Weasley? You need to get your head looked at, Gin. From the sounds of it, it’s probably full of nargles.” 

Just as Ginny was about to reply, Hermione poked her head around the door, “Fred, would you hurry the f- Oh. Ginny! Harry! Good to see you! I didn’t know you were coming over.” She shot a mutinous look at Fred who merely shrugged. “Fred failed to mention that.”

“Hermione?” Harry yelped as he took in his best friend’s appearance. Her normally well tamed curls tumbled freely down her back, her lipstick was smudged and she appeared to be wearing one of Fred’s work shirts, underwear, and not a lot else. Fred had to drag his eyes away. “Are you…?”

“Really, Hermione? _Fred_? That’s why you wouldn’t go out with the crime reporter from the Prophet last week?”

“No, he was horrifically racist. But also this, yes.” Hermione smiled, hoping she was being convincing. “Lovely and super embarrassing as this has been, I’m just going to…” She disappeared back into the hallway, then into Fred’s room, but left the door open so she could overhear more easily.


End file.
